and as i watch the golden eagle eat away at the elk's broken body i will wonder why it is i need to leave, and how i will get this done. time feels as though it is beginning to run out and this eagle will still be hungry after it finishes its first course. i will still be hiding and wondering if what i am doing is actually what i want. it's getting harder and harder to know how i feel. traveling alone in a dream tunnel has made my vision go bad, my hair gray. and even you, moon-dog, with your horse bark and your white hairs appearing on your snout, even you know this isn't the right way. but the challenges are getting taller, and i feel as though i'm shrinking. not shrinking because i am scared or sad, but because in reality i have always been quite small. and my martyr tendencies are wearing thin on my nurturing soul. or has it always been nature i'm up against? like i said, i can't tell anymore. my eyes are dry and tired, and my mind is bending over the peaks around me, looking for the east. i've always loved sunsets, but the sun rising wakes something in us all.